“Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.”
– Kurt Vonnegut
When we were little kids we would all look at teenagers and young adults and envy them for their age and the “freedom” that came with that age. Little did I know that once I reached that age, I would literally cry every other day about wanting to age backwards and go back to the “simpler life”. As I grow older, I realize how much I’ve taken things for granted.
I remember being in third or fourth grade and literally wanting to be older because I hated that I had to go to bed at 9:30pm. At the time, I was willing to jump and skip years of my life simply so I could stay up as late as I wanted to. After years of obtaining that “luxury”, I’ve gotten some rather large bags under my eyes from staying up late and watching television. I’ve recently re-energized the effort to get them gone. It’s not going well. At all. 😦
Being a kid at times was hard, but now that I’m in my twenties, I yearn for those days more than I’m comfortable with. LOL. I miss having all my meals paid for and not having to come out of pocket for anything. As a college student, you could look in the dictionary and find my name beside the word “Broke”. I miss waking up on the morning of December 25th and seeing a room full of presents with the majority of them belonging to me. Now I’m lucky if I have anything waiting for me. LOL. I now spend my Christmas season shopping for gifts for my nieces and nephews who now enjoy the aforementioned moment.
As a young adult we take on a lot. When I was little all I had to worry about was making sure that I got a green color in class and did my homework. But now, oh, things have changed. I have to deal with people who are internally miserable, rude, and sometimes funky on a daily basis. Losing sleep because the natural things of adult life keep you up all night and being an over-thinker means you’re up several nights. I miss having the piece of mind and the overall innocence of a child. All of which take a toll on me physically and mentally. And how could I forget about “FEELINGS”. Dealing with your emotions, especially when it comes to liking someone these days is all of too much. I’d like to think it’s why I’m balding. 😦 Having your heart and emotions played with is something I never had to deal with as a kid, and had I known this was part of the contract of being older, I would’ve enjoyed my younger years much more than I did.
For me, dealing with death as a child and as a young adult are completely different. The last few years, I’ve been present for a few deaths. And in that time, I’ve compared it to when I was younger. When I was younger, I understood death to a certain extent, but not like I do today. I would be sad, but it didn’t really hit me internally like it does now. Being older means you’re subject to the realities of death and it’s really hard to deal with. It complicates the already complicated life of a young millennial. The recent talk of death is what triggered me to write this post. Whenever death is mentioned it brings on the reality that one day, I will have to say goodbye to my mother and other loved ones. That’s where I am in life. Growing up means the things and people that were there in your younger days, were a constant and brought you stability and happiness, are withering away and you’re present for all of that both physically and emotionally. This is a bit much for me, let me wrap this up. LOL.
I know it sounds like I’m complaining. I’m human, I have that right. As I bring this post to an end and I go back to the life of a young adult, I know that it’s not all bad. There truly are some perks to being older (I can drink as much wine as I want!!!!!), but I can’t help but think I really took my childhood for granted, because when I look back on it…mine was pretty fucking dope. If yours was, I’m sure you get why a post like this is necessary. 🙂