How is your relationship with your family? Is it as great as you’d like it to be? If not, how come?
There’s one thing millennials or in my case “gen z” are doing and that is learning to protect our energy. We are learning how to notice the signs of toxicity around us and we are not excluding family. There are situations we have observed, endured, and overcome that we refuse to pass down to our children. There are certain cycles that must be broken.
The difference between us and the ones before us is that we know who the pedophiles in the family are. So we don’t come around them. We’re not at gatherings pretending we don’t know who they are. We’re aware of the aunt who married her husband, although he beat her for years. So we don’t smile in his face. We’re aware of the jealousy, the one sided conversations, and the cousin that everyone said was “fast.” We heard them when they assumed she would be a mother to many children. Therefore, we’ve learned to keep our distance.
Let’s be honest. Think about the last family function you attended. Was it a bit different than usual? Were there less people gathered? Were conversations as entertaining as usual?
There’s a reason for that. Those people that didn’t come around or that came around but didn’t stick around, are protecting their energy. They’ve experienced a few bad run-ins with family. The problem is, family can sometimes be too close. The closer you are the more entitled they feel. Once they feel entitled they then say things that they’ll later regret. Unfortunately, those words or behaviors they’ve displayed has already done damage that cannot be repaired. We’ve all heard the saying, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Well, I’m here to tell you it’s definitely a lie. Words cut deep and they cut deeper by the ones we love.
If you’ve explained a hurt from six years ago, your family says they understand, yet this same conversation emerges every time someone gets drunk, it’s a dead end. There is no resolution, so choose your peace of mind. Understand that sometimes you simply won’t get that heartfelt apology. Sometimes they won’t ever understand the reasoning behind your pain. Instead, learn to let go, heal, and protect your energy.
Remember, it’s okay to not tolerate bullshit. Toxic family members are real. Blood might be thicker than water but no relationship is worth it if it’s destroying you.
Like Savannah Cristina said, “self care, self love, selfish… asf.”